Office Parties be Damned

Oh crap. It's the pre-Halloween office party, complete with costume contest & piles of junk food. How am I going to get through this day?
I did pretty good yesterday1,000 cal plus yoga & treadmill. This afternoon, I'll hit the treadmill again at lunch & head to the gym after work for bike & weights.
I will just try to ignore the piles of food all around.
I was thinking about going gluten free. It seems like I do better on super restrictive diets. I have to plan better. I have to think more. I have to keep track of what goes in. Plus, that's really the only way to know if I have a gluten intolerance - to eliminate it & add back in.

How did I get so fat to begin with? Depression? I don't even know. I'm so embarassed by my size 16 jeans. All of my friends are so skinny. I can't wait until I can be around them & not be "the fat one"
At this point, even a giant size 12 pants would seem like a relief. A move in the right direction, for sure.
I hope, I hope I'm under 190 on Monday. Today will be so hard, but the rest of the weekend shouldn't be. I should be able to restrict & work out & be fine.
Holding tight to something I can control.

Need to Lose

Depression has gotten the best of me lately. I weighed in at the doctor's office 3 weeks ago at over 200 lbs. Amazing. I was amazed & embarassed & felt so overwhelmed. Since then, I've been trying to get my shit together to lose weight. The ultimate goal? 130 lbs. I'm down to 193, as of this past Monday. I'm only allowing myself to weigh in every Monday, because I just couldn't handle a setback of a pound or two.

height: 5'5"
HW: 202 lbs
CW: 193 lbs
G1: 185 lbs - reward: new skivvies, which I desperately need.
G2: 175 lbs - reward: new pants
G3: 170 lbs - reward: TBA
and so on & so forth
UG: 130 lbs

Measurements:

Thighs: 27"
Hips: 46"
Waist: 39"
Under bust: 36"

What am I doing?

Goal calories for the day is 1,000, with an absolute max of 1,500.
Gym every day, dance practice & yoga every day (so far failing on the dance & yoga every day, but the gym has been consistent)
Drink lots of water.
Take small bites & chew slowly to allow my body to feel the fullness and not over eat.
No processed foods.
No bread.
No sugar.
I'm sure I'll add some things later.

I want to try to be healthy about this, but I am desperate to drop these pounds. I've never been so ashamed of myself in my life.

Yesterday was a failure. I was SO HUNGRY when I got home. I should have taken my ass to the gym, but I was so sore from dance & from going to the gym every day this week... so I blew it off. If I hadn't, I probably would have been fine. I can't be trusted alone with baked goods. Or bread. Or any carbolicious foods whatsoever. I had a 500 cal limit for dinner, and even THAT would have taken me to my 1,500 absolute max. I made cookies for work & ate like 3. I could have maybe gotten away with one... but three?? seriously? WTF? PLUS I had 3 slices of sprouted grain bread with dinner @ 80 cals each. omg. I'm not even going to speculate on the calorie content of the cookies. No. Way.
Why can't I be strong? Weakness is how I got fat in the first place.
I will be stronger. I will succeed. Pick myself up again & move forward again. I will be at 191 or lower on Monday. I must.